5 Ways to Better Connect With Your Grandchildren

“If we grandparent our own children, we will be truly great mothers and fathers.”

Oliver Demille, The Phases of Learning

Grandparenting is the culmination of our entire life and ultimately our purpose. Grandparents aren’t just influencing their own grandchildren, they influence their grandchild’s whole world – who they marry, who they work for, what they go to school for and where… it doesn’t mean that they show up on dates or interact with their bosses (could you imagine?).  The essence of grandparenting is having an impact on the world around us for good. Grandparents set up the world for children to thrive.

You already know this, but homes used to be multi-generational. That was a thing until the mid-1900s.  Our grandparents didn’t generally live on their own, or if they did live in their own home they were on the same property as their children and grandchildren. Grandchildren had continual access to their grandparents. 

Is that how you grew up?

We parent and grandparent differently. Grandparents are better at noticing that a child may not need a scolding, but maybe just a hug. Grandparents are more patient and in tune with what a grandchild needs. 

Take my own father, for example. The story among his children was that he was tough on us… “there was no give or take, we got in trouble for certain things, he held the line, etc.. but the grandkids, on the other hand, were dealt a softer hand.” Was that really the case? Was he really softer or was it that with age, my father was more mature in the way he interacted with people? Yes, he was more patient and understanding. It’s not that he never chided a grandchild, but after the chiding, he followed up in a different way than when he was a young father. 

Dear Grandparents, as you positively engage, you build trust. When there is trust and connection, there is influence. If you ever worry that your grandchildren don’t know you or won’t remember you, do something about it! You can put as much or as little effort into your relationships as you can manage. As I reflect on my relationship and memories of my own grandparents, and as a mother of 6, I’m here to tell you that every interaction matters. 

I have come up with 5 suggestions of ways you can better connect with your grandchildren, even if you live far away. Some of these will require figuring out a little bit of technology – but I know you can do it, you found this blog post didn’t you? Your grandchildren will feel closer to you as you “speak their language”, so to speak.

1. Cook Together

Foundational memories are made in the kitchen. Family traditions and connection happens around food. It’s more than a great excuse to spend time together, food and cooking is a very foundational aspect of all human life and experience. We connect so much to food, so having memories of cooking with grandma and grandpa can influence a strong relationship to food. 

So cook together whenever you can. It can be a healthy meal or a favorite dessert. Retell the stories of times youve made that meal in the past. Children may not remember every detail you share, but they will remember how they feel when they’re around you.  

To make this work long distance…

Handwrite, or type up, a simple recipe and mail it (what kid doesn’t love getting mail?) You could also order a children’s cookbook from Amazon and have it delivered. Remember to add a personalized note! 

Next time you’re on the phone with your grandchild, or when you use messaging apps like Facetime or Marco Polo, ask her what her favorite food is. Favorite ice cream? Favorite meal? Does he like sea food? Has he ever tried gumbo? Can you imagine the conversations this could spark? 

2. Color Together

I’ve noticed that some of my children are extra chatty while coloring, something about doing something with their hands while they talk, helps some kids stay focused. This is a special time to have conversation and to create together. You could teach them about colors and techniques and share stories about your childhood. A bonus is that your grandkids might think you’re pretty cool if you’re willing to listen to them talk all about mermaids or superheroes while you color those pages. 

To make this work long distance…

Color together over a video call. You could get two of the same coloring books from the Dollar Tree, or Amazon and send one. Find a time to color together while on a video call. Facetime, Google Meet, Facebook or Zoom are all great options. Kids love to show off what they’ve made, if they sent their coloring page to you, you could proudly display it on your refrigerator (any kid would LOVE that!)

3. Read Together

Reading together is another foundational piece of a child’s development. As a homeschooling family, we know that if we read together an hour a day – that is more than enough to impact their education, their thought process, and for them to be able to learn to read proficiently. 

When you read together, it is a shared adventure- a shared journey. You get to discuss and connect. Talk about what impacted you, and what you love about the story. Don’t underestimate the importance of talking about and discussing what you read! The discussion really helps develop how they perceive the world, and develop their character and who they want to be based on the characters you’re reading about. 

To make this work long distance…

• You can order books or use an app that allows you to read together like, Caribu or Together.
• Send them a copy of your favorite books that they might like. Or order 2 copies (one for each of you) and read along together on a video call app.
• If you’re feeling extra adventurous, audio record or video yourself reading the book and send it to her to watch. 

Do you have a favorite children’s book you would love to pass on? I’d love to hear what is it… 

4. Plant Seeds Together

Working alongside grandparents develops those foundational core memories that will be with them for the rest of their lives, memories that they can look back on that teach work ethic and develop character and connection. 

There is science behind working with your hands specifically,

“When we use our hand for complex real-world tasks, it starts a neurological chain reaction which causes the reward part of our brain to release dopamine and serotonin… Even more compelling is that this type of manual activity may stimulate the production of brand new brain cells.”

Jill Winger, Old Fashioned on Purpose

Being able to go through the planting process with your grandchild also gives you something to discuss. How are your seeds doing? What do they look like? Mine are doing this… Let’s go weed the garden. Inside of us it creates memories, and when the children remember the work they did, it will evoke those positive emotions and give them a positive experience with hard work and work ethic. 

This is also teaching them to wait for satisfaction. This takes time and patience, but the reward is so great when they get to enjoy the fruit (or flower) of their labor. What a confidence boost for them that they can say “I did this! This wasn’t easy and I waited a long time and grandpa or grandma walked me through this and we did it together!” 

To make this work long distance…

This doesn’t have to be a big garden in the yard it can be done in something like a little cup. 

You can send them a list of supplies they’ll need to gather, send them a seed-growing kit from Amazon, or take what you have on hand and put a package together. What kid wouldn’t love that? Once they have what they need, you can share a YouTube video they can watch to learn how to plant and care for the seed or you could also FaceTime and show them how to plant the seed.

This is the perfect chance to communicate and connect with your grandchild. When you call and talk to them you can have a conversation about how it’s going. “Show me your plant, is it dry? Let’s see the soil”, etc… This will give you both something to look forward to and accomplish together.

5. Teach Them An Outdoor Activity

Children need play! This all comes back to the memories we’re creating, the influence we get to have, and the conversations that come up while connecting. 

Children learn the best when they are physically doing and talking. They retain it longer, and developmentally, their recall is so much quicker. Getting out in the sun and nature helps boost those natural, happy hormones. Vitamin D and fresh air are amazing for us health-wise.

This is a chance to laugh together and be goofy! Outdoor games create more memories that will remind them of you when they play them in the future (maybe with their own children!) On top of it all, when you have that kind of connection, the likelihood that they will seek you when they need advice will significantly increase. 

To make this work long distance…

You can send things to your grandchildren, encouraging them to have fun outside. Children of all ages enjoy balloons, rubber balls, sidewalk chalk, or bubbles.

Technology is such a great thing! You can send videos of you doing the thing you want to teach them. (Throwing a baseball, or doing a cartwheel). They can send you videos back to show you how they’re doing at it! Encourage them to send YouTube videos to YOU of activities they’re interested in that you can discuss. 

I really hope you feel the importance of the role grandparents play, and that children need you. They need your wisdom; like when to plant tomatoes and what to look for in a spouse. They need your love and approval – you’re a safe place for them to build their self-esteem, navigate social interaction, and learn how to trust. They need to hear your perspective and the stories of your history -they need to know where they come from.   

I’d love to continue this conversation with you… Which of these activities sounds like something you would do? Which one do you think your grandchild would enjoy? 

A Conversation About Marriage with Kerissa & Steve

Our wedding day – got rained out so used a church for backup!

Can I humble-brag for a minute? Steve and I have been married for almost 13 years and I am so proud of our marriage. Steve and I sat down to reflect and talk about what we think is working well in our marriage, and we uncovered a bunch of gems that I thought would make a good blog post. 

Whether you’re married, or single, relationships are a huge part of our experiences as humans! What makes a successful relationship? What supports a healthy marriage? Steve and I dive into it (and we only know how to go straight to the good stuff).

I hope this sheds some light and inspires you to have a similar conversation with someone you love this Valentine’s Day!

Communication

Communication is more than talking, although we do love to talk. The first night we met we talked for 6 hours! Communication is a big focus for us – not just in our marriage but also with our children.

Steve is diagnosed with ADHD and explained that when you have ADHD you either over-communicate or communicate in the wrong direction, so we really had to make sure we were communicating effectively. We’re not perfect at it, by any means, but we’ve had a lot of progress. 

A huge part of effective communication is listening. I think Steve has done a great job at creating a safe, non-judgmental space for me to express myself more and more, but he admits that when we were first together he was ignorant enough to think he could solve my problems (and that’s a direct quote). He’s gotten a lot better at not jumping in and solving my problems right away. He listens to me sort out my thoughts (without too many interruptions) and tries not to make it about him; meaning, changing the subject to his experiences, his advice, or even finding unintended criticism that isn’t there. I try to do the same for him, and let him sort things out without jumping in to solve his problems (even though I still think I have the best advice.)

We still can’t help but try and fix things for each other sometimes but we have gotten a lot better at simply listening. Ideally, when we’ve said all we want to, if needed, we discuss options and solutions together. 

Commonality

Success for us hinges on commonality. We desire to have a strong family. We put raising our children above everything else. We are a family-centered family, more specifically a child-centered family. We both focus on our relationships with them and prioritize their healing. 

Steve and Kerissa breaking from working together in the rain on the farm.

Some other things that we have in common are our stewardship over our dirt and animals. We also both like to work hard. We like to take something that’s nothing and make it into something. 

In my mind, we are different people, we have different interests and likes, but we choose to focus on the things we do have in common and make those things the bigger part of our life. Even more than our individual interests. What we work toward together is stuff that we have in common. Admittedly, we are adrenaline junkies. We like to make hard goals and achieve them. 

We live for our family. We’re loyal to our immediate family. Our decisions come down to what is best for our marriage and family first.

Communication is important but we think commonality makes up the majority of why we we cosider our marriage succesful. From God to animals, education, and health, we had a lot of things in common from the get-go. Not exactly eye-to-eye but in common. (Steve is physically taller than me and says we will never see eye-to-eye.)

Finances

A tricky topic for married couples is usually finances. It’s an important part of our marriage so I wanted to share a few thought.

If you’re communicating effectively, find commonality, and have goals together, then finances (and other potentially sensitive topics) kind of come together and don’t have to be a huge issue.

Steve and Kerissa at their booth during the 2023 Wise Traditions Conference

When we talk about finances, we try to take accountability for our finances rather than blame it on the other person. We’ve had rough moments. But overall, we work to be accountable and to understand that we’re in this together. This is a partnership. 

We do our best to be intentional and conscientious when we bring up sensitive subjects. We definitely talk about hard things and we talk about the uncomfortable things. Sometimes it can be direct or straightforward (we’ve had times when we hashed it out).  

But we get through it because our goal is to maintain our commonality through the conversation, and our desire to be together helps us have productive conversations. 

Marriage is hard work.

Steve explains that God often says to put your house in order. “Go and be reconciled with your brother before you come to me.” We as parents are responsible for rectifying our inconsistencies and to repent. It’s important for a child to see the father be humble. 

The times I (Kerissa) get frustrated in our marriage are when I’m concerned about myself and what I’m not getting out of it… when I’m being selfish. 

When the focus is on “I don’t feel supported” and you make yourself a victim in your marriage it makes it crummy and not fun. That’s what opens the door to “I dont want to be here”.

That goes to the heart of what Christ said about those who lust already commits adultery in his heart. Thinking “ I don’t want to be here” would be deviating from your marriage relationship. And THAT’s why it’s the same as adultery, With that thought, you’ve actually left the confines of that relationship. You are thinking the grass is greener on the other side, and comparing. Even if you’re not necessarily looking at another person, it could even be the draw to be single or thinking about how it would be easier on your own. 

In a nutshell, I think what makes our marriage successful is choosing every day to be here; to show up, and to be proactive and work to better ourselves. 

Thank you for spending time with us on our virtual porch! We’d love to learn from your marriage and stories, too. 

Send us an email, we’d love to hear from you! 

Avoid Resolution Burnout and Become a Better Version of Yourself this Year.

Why the heck do we even set new year resolutions? After a few weeks most of us quit going to the local gym, or realize it’s too hard to change a bad habit. Maybe we just set too many and aim for perfection and feel defeated when we fall short, instead of perhaps, aiming for over-all improvement, instead. 

What if we look at new years resolution as a way to give us direction for how we want to improve our lives and grow as an individual? Or as physical ways to measure our discipline and commitment? 

Like most people, I used to think of all the things I wanted to change in my life, and felt like January 1st was a clean slate for the new year and a great time to create better habits. I used to get really excited with the New Year coming up, and I would set a LOT of goals… after all, I had the whole year to work on them, right? I was going to exercise more, lift heavier weights, do this more, add some more of that, stop doing this, etc… After a few weeks, maybe even months, I would burn out, lose focus, the original excitement and the dopamine hits would drop each time I didn’t follow-through. Then I would finally quit most of my new year resolutions altogether. Does this sound familiar?

Photo by Thirdman on Pexels.com

However, each year there seemed to be 1 or 2 resolutions that would stick with me and I would be really successful at them, and sometimes even surpass the goal I set. Over time, I recognized a few things that helped me achieve my goals and have continued to use them because they really work!  

If you’re considering setting new year resolutions, I want you to set goals for YOU; resolutions that feel good and aren’t just “shoulds”. When someone says the word “goal”, how does it make you feel? What comes to mind? If you notice that you’re resisting it – then don’t set that goal!

You might have goals related to your weight, nutrition, or being more present as a mother, maybe you want to stop yelling, and feel more connected in your marriage. Do you want to call family members more often, spend less time on your phone, read more, connect with God more, stop certain bad habits, or have a better house cleaning system? How does it feel just thinking about all of those things? Do you notice the mental/emotional weight of trying to carry it all?

If you’re like me, then you probably want…

Better balance being a mother, wife, and yourself. 

Quality connection with your children, family, and self.

Improved health to be able to do, or continue doing, the things you want to do. 

The best tip I have for setting new years resolutions is to take the time to set them and ask God. 

Here’s how I do it, and I think this will help you too.

1. Find some quiet time and sit by yourself. This could be in the car, in the bathroom, or when you first wake up. Sit with yourself and notice what comes to your mind.
2. Ask God, “What is one or two things I can do, or focus on, that will effect ALL the areas I want to improve?” Then listen/pay attention to what comes to you. You might be listening for days or it might come real quick! You will know what is right for you as you sit with it and feel it harmonize with who you are and what you want. 
3. Ask yourself and God, “How do I want to feel over the next year?” For me, in the last few years it has come as a single word. I made that my word for the year. Each month I think about that word, and how I want to feel, and then 1-3 things come to mind that I can focus on that month. Then, I break those down into actionable steps. _{For Example: Last year my word was Balance. At the beginning of each month I took some quiet time and “listened” for the things that came to my mind that I would work on. One month was cleaning up my thoughts around money. The actionable steps were to notice when I spoke negatively, forgive myself and then reframe the sentence. The other was to practice joy when I needed to do bookkeeping and not think it was a burden.}

I think what happens is, when we set a whole bunch of resolutions at the beginning of the year, it is overwhelming because there are SO many steps to accomplish each goal. Plus, they are usually such big goals that it takes many smaller goals to help us actually achieve what we really want. Doing this process helps simplify our desires in a way that is true to who we are. When you take the time to listen to yourself and God (He knows you best!), a lot of the other things like relationships and opportunities fall into place. 

Once you have a few goals set along the lines to have better balance, quality connection, or improved health, you’ll want some resources to teach and support you throughout the year! 

I want to share a few resources that will help you…

Nutrition Resources:

• Study Wise Traditions 11 Principles – Everything that traditional peoples did with their food resulted in the maximization of nutrients—from their agricultural practices to their food choices, to their preparation techniques. We can do the same with our modern diets—it just requires care in purchasing our foods and attention to detail when we prepare them. 
• Wise traditions podcast – The Wise Traditions podcast is for those who seek optimal health based on ancient wisdom. We believe that vibrant health cannot be cultivated in a lab, engineered through modern technology or found through “improving” nature. On the contrary, “life in all its fullness is Mother Nature obeyed,” as Dr. Price put it. We thrive when we live as our ancestors did, and we can look to the past for clues on how to go about it.
• Elisa at Best Me Coaching – 1:1 Coaching Sessions, Personalized wellness coaching tailored to help you achieve your weight and fitness goals. With personalized meal plans and personalized fitness guidance, you will be provided a roadmap and support to unlock your best self.

Nutrition Books:

• Carnivore Cure by Judy Cho –  Carnivore Cure provides a step-by-step approach to optimal health while also providing extensive nutritional information and evidence-based support for following a meat-based lifestyle (with hundreds of colored visuals and coveted Nutrition with Judy nutritional graphics). Carnivore Cure debunks nutritional misinformation and provides lifestyle support through the lens of holistic health.
• The Big Fat Surprise by Nina Teicholz – For decades, Americans have cut back on red meat and dairy products full of “bad” saturated fats. We obediently complied with nutritional guidelines to eat “heart healthy” fats found in olive oil, fish, and nuts, and followed a Mediterranean diet heavy on fruits, vegetables, and grains. Yet the nation’s health has declined. What is going on?
• Toxic Superfoods by Sally Norton – A complete, research-backed program to safely reverse your oxalate load. In this groundbreaking guide, Norton reveals that the popular dictum to “eat more plants” can be misleading. Toxic Superfoods gives health-seekers a chance for improved energy, optimum brain performance, graceful aging, and true relief from chronic pain.
•  Nutrition And Physical Degeneration by Weston A Price – An epic study demonstrating the importance of whole food nutrition, and the degeneration and destruction that comes from a diet of processed foods. For nearly 10 years, Weston Price and his wife traveled around the world in search of the secret to health. Instead of looking at people afflicted with disease symptoms, this highly-respected dentist and dental researcher chose to focus on healthy individuals, and challenged himself to understand how they achieved such amazing health.

Parenting Resource :

• Simply on Purpose – Bringing joy back into parenting and family life. Believer in kitchen dance parties. Look for the good. Audio Course + Webinars.
• The Child Whisperer Blog – Every child is unique. The Child Whisperer book and podcast help you customize your parenting, for more joy and cooperation with less burnout.
• A Thomas Jefferson Education – Support, Resources and Mentoring to establish
  your ideal Family Education Culture.

Parenting Books:

• Hold on to Your kids In Hold On to Your Kids, Dr. Neufeld and Dr. Maté explore the phenomenon of peer orientation: the troubling tendency of children and youth to look to their peers for direction – for a sense of right and wrong, for values, identity and codes of behavior. But peer orientation undermines family cohesion, poisons the school atmosphere, and fosters an aggressively hostile and sexualized youth culture. It provides a powerful explanation for schoolyard bullying and youth violence; it is an escalating trend that has never been adequately described or contested until Hold On to Your Kids. Once understood, it becomes self-evident – as do the solutions.
• How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk (there is a teen version as well) – Enthusiastically praised by parents and professionals around the world, Faber and Mazlish’s down-to-earth, respectful approach makes relationships with children of all ages less stressful and more rewarding. 
• Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys – Addresses the physical, emotional, and spiritual parts of a boy, written by two therapists who are currently engaged in clinical work with boys and their parents and who are also fathers raising five sons. This book contains chapters such as “Sit Still! Pay Attention!”, “Deficits and Disappointments”, and “Rituals, Ceremonies, and Rites of Passage”.

Self Development: 

• Dressing Your Truth – Will help you know your truth and create a personal style that tells the world, “This is who I really am.” When you discover your Type of beauty, amazing things happen. You understand yourself better. You find strengths you didn’t know you had. And you can express who you are with a style to match. It’s a transformative process.
• Alicia Kathleen Emotional Freedom Coaching – (website is under construction, find her on Instagram HERE) 1:1 Coaching, Empowering women to master their emotions and thoughts to show up as their best selves and heal their life experiences.

Self Development Books:

• Remembering Wholeness -In this 20-Year Anniversary Edition, Carol shares two decades of added insight — with new sections added to the original book. Each updated chapter shares new insight, along with personal lessons from putting this book’s principles into practice. It will help you do the same, so that you can let go of struggle and live a life of joy.
• 12 Rules for Life – Jordan Peterson – Dr. Peterson journeys broadly, discussing discipline, freedom, adventure, and responsibility, distilling the world’s wisdom into 12 practical and profound rules for life. 12 Rules for Life shatters the modern commonplaces of science, faith, and human nature while transforming and ennobling the mind and spirit of it’s readers.

In addition to discovering new resources to support your goals, and this might sound like common sense, I have to mention how much I believe our health affects everything we do. If you know me, you know I am passionate about mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. I have been on quite the healthy journey and I can tell you that the years I spent being sick and mostly bed-bound, were not the years I was able to do many things I really wanted, and had to simplify and only do what really mattered to me. Using this method, my new year resolutions were more along the lines of “read more books with my children”, and “Meet Steve at the door each day with a kiss when he gets home”.

I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t mention how much eating nutrient-dense, truly clean animal-based diet has improved my life, because it was the key to improving my health. Having my health back has given me a beautifully fresh perspective on my role as a woman, mother, wife and individual. And I can confidently say that health supports every aspect of my life, and I think it’s safe to say yours, too.

I hope you are feeling excited about the upcoming year and have beautiful, ambitious goals that you can get excited about. Remember, that as you set goals, don’t overwhelm yourself and don’t force what you aren’t ready for. There are things we want and there are things we are actually ready for. Listen to the spirit and you will know which is which. When you are truly ready, those things will fall into place with greater ease than those things you are trying to force.

You’re amazing. And I can’t wait to hear all about your New Year’s resolutions!